Monday, 2 January 2012

Bungklang Bungkling: Panes (Hot) by Wayan Juniartha

Taken from ‘Bungklang Bungkling’, ‘Panes, a column by I Wayan Juniartha, published in Bali Post, Sunday 11h December 2011. Translated by Putu Semiada.

Panes (Hot)

It has been very hot these days. I Made Dot Nawang (I Made Wants to Know) wants to do some research in relation to this. He tries to look for some experts to interview.

He asks the same question: “Why is it so hot these days?”

The high ranking official says: “It’s all due to global warming: the people do not care about their environment today; trees are cut down; they litter; and everyone wants to have more than one car that creates pollution.”

That’s a typical answer from high ranking officials; always looking for excuses without trying to improve the situation: they don’t give solutions or take real action.

The legislative members say: “We will try to find out what is really the problem and set up a special committee to summon the parties who are responsible. We will use sophisticated methods to solve the problem and do ‘comparative studies’ to the USA and Europe in dealing with global warming.”

If this all they can do the problem doesn’t get resolved: they just keep spending the people’s money for their own benefit.

The priests say: “God is angry with us; the world is ‘dirty’. You need to hold a consecration ceremony in every village.”

The traditional village leader for ceremonial affairs (Bendesa Pekraman) says: “My ceremonies can accommodate hot climate, this must be our neighboring village’s evil conduct. They have always wanted to make trouble for us — from border issues to irrigation system conflicts. Now they complain about global warming. I want their village to be blockaded and make the cemetery not available for them when they have a corpse to bury.”

The business-oriented fortune teller says: “The hot climate is due to a powerful black magic: Just buy lots of incense that I have ‘recharged’ with magical power (pasopati) and drink lots of the mineral water that I have imbued with magical power as well.”

The AC and Fridge suppliers say: “Global warming means good business for us; more and more people will buy our products.”

Rich men say: “Hot? No, it’s not. It’s cool in my room and in my car too, let alone in my and office. What makes me feel “hot” is my secretary who often wears a mini skirt.”

I Made gets confused with these different answers.

The last person to give opinion is the mayor.

The mayor says: “Don’t talk about global warming: think about me first. I am upset having been accused of wanting to change the bhisama on the building height. I am a ‘real Balinese Hindu’, you know; Bhisama has to be followed. The things is that I was just asking if we could change the mandatory distance between an urban area and a ‘sacred area’ (temple) from 5 kilometers to just ‘10 meters’ .

I Made gets frustrated: now he himself feels hot.